My life is blessed, I know this, but knowing that my life is blessed does not take away all of the stress. My life is blessed, but it is also stressful. I try to minimize the stress as much as I can. I try to do as much preparation on Sunday's as I possibly can. On the days that I know are packed with activities, I try to be as organized as I can. Most days my shoulders rest nicely under my ears, and my jaw feels like I have lock-jaw.
This week I have had sick kids all week. Elly started on Saturday early evening with a 103 fever. High fevers worry me. I always think "what if she has fever induced seizures?", "What would I do?". If Children's Advil has a huge profit margin this quarter, I think that someone should personally write us a thank you note. It was shortly after the high fever that she started throwing up. The poor little baby violently threw up non-stop for 24 hours. She was only able to doze in and out of sleep in between throwing up. All through it the fever raged on. She then developed a rash. Part of my thought maybe this just how her body reacts to fever, the other part of me, the one who over-reacts, thought "Oh God, what if she has some kind of rare genetic disorder and this is just a sign of it?" Each day she got a little better, but that fever stubbornly remained. Sunday night Riley and Rowan started with stomach aches. Only Grace has remained untouched by this weird bug.... for now.
This morning Grace and Riley went to school, and Rowan and Elly stayed home sick. It will perhaps then shock you as it did me that this morning as I sit here and write this I am enveloped with this rare feeling of peace and well being. I am absolutely shocked, but I am basking in peace's warm glow. For some unknown reason, everything in the world just feels right. The sun is shining in through the picture window, it feels good. Rowan and Elly are sitting snuggled together on the couch watching T.V. Fergus is lying on the couch snoring (don't tell Christopher that I let him up on the couch when he's not home). I have a piping hot, perfect coffee that I am pleasantly sipping. The world feels like a good place to be in.
Life has taught me that these moments are fleeting. Treasure peace while it lasts, because it won't. These beautiful moments, and while this is simple, it really is beautiful, these beautiful moments sustain me in the hard times. It is like refilling my soul. So I will sit here, my face up turned, drinking in the warm sunlight that is pouring in on me. I will take pleasure in my children loving each other, because I may have seconds before they begin to fight. I will enjoy watching my puppy relax, because it is just a small reprieve before he finds mischief to get into. I am savouring my hot, perfect coffee because I probably will not be able to finish it ( I will be refereeing a fight or chasing a bad little dog around the house trying to pry things out of his greedy little, but surprisingly strong jaws). I will sit here with that Mona Lisa smile, serene, and at peace. I will drink from that well of peace until I am full (or until one of the kids or the pup forcibly removes me from it).