A couple of friends and I have been joking about getting Glamour Shots taken. For those of you who did not live in the 1980's, let me share with you a little bit about Glamour Shots. The first thing that you need to know is that they were a BIG thing. I thought they looked well, glamorous. Ladies would get their hair and make up done, would put on fancy clothes and have their picture taken by a professional photographer. I was too young to do Glamour Shots, but Christopher tells me that his Mom had some done (Doreen, just so you know, I WILL see these said pictures). Today they are very 1980's, but I truly think that they were empowering.
The more I thought about our "Glamour Shot's" joke, the more I began to think it was not really that funny. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to do something equivalent. Here is why I really want to do this..... when you look at my family's pictures, you will notice that there are A LOT of pictures. There are pictures from every angle, but there is a noticeable absent element to them... me. I am the family photographer. I love to take pictures. I also do not really like having my picture taken. Pictures just prove to me all of the things that I dislike about my appearance. So while I am absent in years of pictures, and happily so, it is not until years later when I look at them and wish that there were more pictures of me when I was younger.
I have never been happy in the skin I was in. When I looked in the mirror, or photos all I could/ can see is what is wrong with me, not what makes me beautiful. I look at pictures of my younger self and think how beautiful I was. This sounds vain, but I see that beautiful face when I look into the faces of my three girls. All three girls have some part of my face in their face. My girls are stunningly beautiful, so I guess that if I can say that they are without difficulty, then I should be able to say that the woman who made them so beautiful is, but I can't. I look at pictures of that beautiful face, so young and without wrinkles. I look at that body I used to inhabit and am longful to have it again. I was never bone thin, but I was perfect for me... I can say this now. The problem was I lived with bone thin people, my both parents and my younger, naturally blonde and perky, athletic younger sister were all terribly thin. I looked obese in comparison to them, and yet I see now that I was perfect. I was beautiful.
Why glamour shots now? Why would I want photographic proof that I now inhabit a large body that has a face full of wrinkles and grey hair? Why, because in time I will look at those pictures and wonder at how young and beautiful I was, even though I could not see it then/ now. My children will look at those pictures when they are older and show them to their children and say "Wasn't Nanny beautiful?" Why, because it would be pampering, and making me feel beautiful even for just a little while. I will never look the way that I would like to look, never. Instead of berating myself, why not be happy in this skin that I live in right now? Why not love myself just a little bit? Having pictures taken would not shout out to the world that I am full of myself and think I am something that I am not. These pictures would capture the person that I am at this snapshot of my life. It would remind me in years to come of who I was at this age. The other thing, which is a little morbid is this, by not allowing myself to be in pictures I am depriving my children. I will not live forever. In time I will be a memory, but how nice will it be for the kids to have pictures to look at and to help them remember me.
I am now going to actively find somewhere that does the equivalent of Glamour Shots, it's made it to my bucket list. I am also going to encourage my friends to join me. This would add to the snap shot in memory. The night I put myself first, and had so many laughs with great friends and have photographic proof for my memory. Yes, this is happening.