Sunday, 22 April 2012

Renewing Our Vows

Look at those two kids, so in love.  I'm glad we couldn't see what the future held.

    This August 21, Christopher and I will have been married 19 years.  Well kind of.  We lasted two years, split up for 5 years, and found each other again.  I mean we have technically been married for 18 years.  Even when we were not together we were always in close contact.  Gabe was 6 months old when we split.  We always put him first.  We never ever spoke a harsh word about each other in front of him.  Christopher was kind enough to come to our house (Gabe and mine) for his visitation, and I always served him a hot dinner and made him feel welcome (even when I didn't really like him very much).  We spoke on the phone a couple of times a week so that I could share what Gabe was doing.  I think that the kindness we showed each other in separation was what helped us find each other again after 5 years.  We split for lots of reason's, but really it was immaturity.  It was not because we married young (22), but because neither of us were ready to put someone else ahead of our own needs.  He was too selfish, I was too needy.  We needed time to grow up, before we could grow together.
    Gabe was 5 when we got back together.  I think that every child of divorce prays that their parents will get back together.  Most of them don't get their deep desire.  I remember Gabe's face when we told him that Daddy was moving in.  He said "This is my dream come true".  We were back together, but it still wasn't always easy.  We have been through more in our 18 years than anyone should ever have to.  So many marriages can't deal with the strain the death of a child puts on them.  We came out stronger.  Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy.  There were times we really rethought our decision to be together.  Today we are more deeply in love than we were when we first started dating.  Dating love is infatuation.  Ours is strength. We know that together there is nothing that we cannot withstand.
    From the time that we got back together we talked about renewing our vows.  At first it felt like it might be too soon, then came Grace.  Then came bills, then the twins.  There never seemed to be enough money to do it the way we wanted.  Then the unthinkable, we lost Gabe.  How could we rejoice in each other, when we hurt so much?  We needed time to heal.  Anytime we considered it, something else came up.  Well this time we are putting our feet down!  Next August 21 we celebrate anniversary number 20.  We are renewing our vows DAMN IT!  I booked the hall two months ago.  There's no going back now.
    Now for the fun part, planning a wedding.  My girlfriends are all already excited.  Keep in mind for those of us who are married, we have been married a long time.  For those not married (o.k. it's my best friend), she gets to live vicariously through me.  I have so much to do.  I'll admit it, it's fun.  Maybe I will even splurge on some wedding magazines, who knows.  What I do know, is that this will be a time of joy.  We will celebrate, because I think we've earned it.

p.s. please feel free to pass along any "beach themed" ideas, I might need all the help that I can get.


  1. That's great Tristan.

  2. Tristan i am soooooooo happy for both of you and hope we get an invite and yes i will do your hair with pleasure .

  3. That's exciting. :)

    Might want to check the website for ideas - weddings, as well as vow renewals (

  4. Thank you so much, Dawna, I will look at that site. Lyle it was a given that you would come and attend the wedding, and do my hair!

  5. You are an amazing woman Tristan!