Sunday, 10 May 2015

Happy Mother's Day / Mother load of Insecurities

    Happy Mother's Day!  So often you hear people complain about Mother's Day.  "Shouldn't you be thankful for your Mom everyday, why do you need a special day?"  While this is a good question, the answer is we take our mother's for granted.  We see them as "ours", as possessions and not people.  We understand as adult's that our Mother's are "People", but honestly, I think we all carry that childish notion down deep that they are our possession.

    Mother's Day is that one day in which we reflect on how lucky we are to have our mothers.  It's a time of sadness for some who have lost Mother's or who never had Mother's for which they ever felt blessed to have.  It is a day of reflection and thankfulness.

    Recently I saw a video clip that a friend had posted on their facebook.  It was a church group who asked mother's about how they thought that they were as mothers.  Most of them worried that they were not patient enough, did not give as much as they could.  All of these mother's were crying because they felt so inadequate.  I could so relate to their words.  Sometimes I lie awake at night playing the day over and over again in my head.  Why did I yell?  I could have used kinder words.  Had my thoughtless words caused them damage.  I wanted to be a zen mother, a gentle mother, but somehow I kept getting in the way of my own goal.  After they had interviewed the women, they showed them a video of them asking their children what they thought of their mothers.  Their answers were beautiful, " I don't think she knows how good a job she does", "My Mom is beautiful", "She makes me feel better when I am sad".  All of the mother's were shaken to the core to see their children's answers.  They had been expecting their children to mirror their own insecurities, but instead they mirrored their intents as mothers.

    Today my children were so excited to shower me with their love and with the gifts they had made for me at school.  Two of their teachers had done similar things.  I was so touched at their answers, at how they saw me.  I saw my love for them reflexed back at me, like a mirror.  All the things that I wanted to be as a mother, I saw.  All of my insecurities became transparent.  
    Riley's page struck me the most.  She was asked what her mother's favourite things are and her first answer was "my dad", then "us kids", then "family".  At first I wondered about "my dad", did she feel that I chose him over them?  There were the old insecurities trying to rear their head.  When I thought about it, it made me happy.  She saw how much I love her father, and enjoy his company.  I am modeling a healthy, loving relationship for my children.  I can only hope that they will find partners who compliment them as much as their father and I do each other.  
    Mother's Day is only once a year, but that one day is a gift in itself.  For one day we feel our children's love.  For that one day we can put aside our insecurities and see ourselves in their eyes.  Today I felt like I was doing a good job.  Today I felt like the Mother I want to be.  I do not pretend that I will not torture myself at night, for ways I could have done better, but I think that desire to be the mother that my children deserve, is part of the job.  
    My children gave me a beautiful gift today.  Today they showed me a mirror as to how they see me, and it was beautiful.  It gave me the strength I can carry with me forward to those days when they tell me "they hate me", or the days they have temper tantrums.  

Happy Mother's Day

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