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There are times that I really do feel like The Little Old Woman Who Lived in the Shoe. I even call our little house "The Shoe". I am a stay at home mom. I do really think that was my calling. My kids are 13, 10, 10, (yes they are twins) and 5. Our life is an adventure, most times it really is a beautiful adventure.

Monday, 30 July 2012

Living In The Moment, In The Now.


The Essence of a New Day

"This is the beginning of a new day.
You have been given this day to use as you will.
You can waste it or use it for good.
What you do today is important because you are 
exchanging a day of your life for it.
When tomorrow comes this day will be gone forever;
in it's place is something left behind....
let it be something good."

    The above poem, inspirational poem came at a perfect time for me.  After waiting for three hours in the emergency waiting room for Grace to be seen by a doctor, listening to a man wretch into a small newspaper bag, and smelling said wretch, I was ready for the next step.  I was so happy and relieved when we were called into a small examining room.  The walls were white with skids from beds, and who knows what else.  There was a big poster on the wall that stated something to the effect of "Sexual and physical assault are not love, call us if you need to talk to someone".  It don't remember the exact wording, but it was something like that.  On the other side of the wall was a framed picture of a beautiful tree at sunset.  Under the beautiful picture was the above, even more beautiful poem.
    I have often heard it said that the right thing or the right person comes to you when you are ready, and in the most need.  I believe this.  The poem came when my soul most needed reminding.  This summer I have been feeling robbed of my summer.  I have been feeling resentful, overwhelmed.  It is one thing to realize that you have chosen this path, it is another to accept it.  I have spent almost everyday feeling resentful and overwhelmed instead of choosing to see the possibilities of the day.
   The funny thing is that I am a "Glass Half Full" person.  I generally see the good in most things.  I think I drive my "Glass Half Empty" husband crazy.  The thing is that I have to see the world as a great place.  I have to see everyone as a good person.  I like to think that everyone in the world is like me, and wants the best.  That is why this resentfulness is so strange.  I have become so trapped in my negativity loop of thinking that I am not able to see the "Glass Half Full".
    Last night I was standing in that small dingy examining room, thinking what a big waste of time all of this was.  A few days ago Grace hurt her pinky finger riding her bike.  She has been crying and complaining about it everyday for the last 4 days.  My first instinct was to say "suck it up, it's just a sore finger."  Then I remember that Grace broke 3 bones in a six month period (and that she's just a little girl and deserves more sympathy).  We took her to her specialist who did a bone density test.  She has low normal bone density for an adult. They don't have statistics for children.  Every time that Grace hurts herself I wonder if it's a broken bone.  It was for that reason that I finally took her to the hospital last night.  After X-rays and 4 hours, we discovered that she had not broken any bones.  I was relieved.  It would seem like the evening had really been a waste of time, and money (gas and $14 for parking), but it wasn't.
    Because Grace hurt her hand, and I needed to make sure it was alright, we went to emergency.  Because we went to emergency we were placed in that dingy room that had that at least temporarily, had a life altering moment.  It seems like a funny thing to say, but the poem shook me awake.  I read it and read it.  It reminded me of that corny "Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is the future, but to day is the Present, and the present is a gift".  It reminded me like a stinging slap in the face, that I was wasting my summer, wasting my future, not making the most of my life right now.
    How many times have you looked back at your past and wished desperately for a do over?  Do you look at your past and wish you had made better choices, or even enjoyed the good more often?  Have you wished that you had been more present in your present?   When you look back over even this year do you remember the days that you did nothing?  Do you remember fondly the days that you wasted?
 By changing the way I look at my present, I can affect my future.  I need to find more joy in the simple.  I cannot find joy if I am bitter.  I need to make a change in the way that I am thinking.  Today is the day that I live in the now.  Today is the day I will not waste on negativity.  Today and everyday forward I will make a difference, even if it is only in a very small way.  Today is the day that I will change the way I think, and in so doing I change my future for the good.

2 comments:

  1. Thank you Tristan i needed that too!

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  2. I consider this blog my own personal self therapy, glad I could share!

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