Thursday, 12 September 2013

Turns Out I'm Not A Cool Mom (do the kids even still say cool)

    I was doing laundry today (when am I not doing laundry).  There they were mocking me, those starry jeans with the tears and holes.  Those jeans that were the final nail in the coffin, the proof that I am not,  will never be, never was,  a cool mom!  Those jeans that stink of my lack of cool!  Those jeans that scream "HEY TRISTAN ... YOU'RE  NOT COOL!   OH AND BY THE WAY, ONLY OLD PEOPLE STILL EVEN SAY THAT SOMETHING IS COOL!!!!"

    I knew that the day would come.  Knowing that something unpleasant is coming does not however prepare you for the raw unpleasantness of it.  My Gracie was always an easy child.  She was easy going and cuddly.  She would get as excited about new clothes as other children got excited for toys.  She would have his grin that stretched from ear to ear.  Somehow I always seemed to get it right.  She LOVED everything that I picked out for her, it was always perfect, I was perfect.  People told me that this was going to change, to stop being so cocky.  I knew that they were all wrong, because I have awesome taste.  They were right (it hurts my fingers to admit this).  That day came this year.  That dreaded day that brought the fact that had been hinted at for a while.  This summer is when I officially became an idiot!  Oh I went from awesome Mom, to clueless Mom.  There was no invitation, no warning bell, just BAM, there it is IDIOT!
   It all began with back to school shopping.  It was hinted at before back to school shopping, but back to school shopping was where it made it's final announcement.  We walked around the mall, looking at clothes.  "How about this?" as I held up a pair of really cute jeans.  Grace made a gag face.  "What about these?"  the answer was a gag face with the addition of an eye roll.  "O.k.  I won't make any more suggestions."  I announced to her (there may or may not have been a snotty wounded tone to that statement).  This initiative only lasted a few minutes.  I tried so hard to keep my mouth shut, but there it was, an outfit that I knew would look really cute on Grace.  I tried to bite my lip, I really did, but out it came like uncontrollable verbal diarrhea "What about this?"  I wanted to put my hand over my own mouth to stifle it.  I held in my hand a pair of really cute faded blue jeans with white stars on them.  As I properly held them up I noticed that they were ripped.  "Oh these are ripped we don't want these."  I quickly put them back on the shelf like they were something contagious.  "Ah Mom, that's what they are supposed to look like!"  this was said with suppressed laughter and eye rolling.  Needless to say she had to have them, and they were the culprit that brought up this shopping flashback.  Yup, I'm an idiot.  I may as well just get used to being an idiot and perhaps make myself a hat or shirt that says it.  I have three girls.  I expect I will be an idiot until my children are married with children of their own.  I come from a long line of idiots.  My mother was an idiot, just as her mother before her.
    So here is what I have learned about back to school shopping, or really clothes shopping in general with a pre-teen.... don't do it.  Let them do it themselves or go to school in rags, your self- esteem will take a beating.  If you really "have to" take them shopping I learned a very valuable lesson.  If there is something that you think that your daughter would look good in, say that you don't like it.  By saying that you "don't like it", you are giving your daughter permission to like it, thereby taking the long route to winning.  You're welcome.

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