Monday, 23 September 2013

My Epic Failure with Fancy Treats

The tart in the middle looks like it has been fatally shot.

    What I am about to share is not really a secret... I am addicted to Pinterest.  It gives me this delusional burst that makes me think that I can do anything!  In my head as I "pin" those items onto my "boards" I feel like Martha Freaking Stewart!  Oh I pin it all, recipes, crafts, you name it.  I pin them and they sit there, never to be looked at again until I accidentally pin the same thing for a second time.

    This Sunday I was fooled again by Pinterest.  I had few minutes (I didn't really, I just decided to go onto Pinterest instead of doing the hundreds of other jobs that I should have been doing) and was looking at Pinterest.  There they were, that picture above, they seemed so easy, so much fun to eat, the perfect lunch treat.  The Pinner credited "The Chew" for that picture, The Chew is a pretty good talk/ cooking show, they would never lead me down the path to cooking ruin.

    I turned off the computer and ran into the kitchen, ready to conquer!  I began by making my pie crust.  I really like the Tenderflake recipe that's printed on the box.  I find it to be a great pie crust, and well the recipe is on the actual box, meaning I don't have to search for my recipe.  Oh and I decided to document the whole process.  I knew that this was going to turn out AMAZING, and everyone would want to read about my culinary prowess.  What's that they say about pride before a fall?

Yup I know, that picture looks a little like
someone pooped on my pastry... it's not lost on me.

    I rolled out my pie crust, using my precious marble rolling pin ( I love that rolling pin).  I mixed up a small batch of pumpkin pie filling to stuff these exquisite mini pies with.  I was so smug.  Again, I took pictures to document each step, because I knew that EVERYONE would want to know how I could pull of such amazingly talented treats.

    I knew so much more and could make those little toaster treats so much cuter than The Chew (you know that show that has professional world class chefs).  I decided to use an adorable pumpkin shaped cookie cutter to cut my dough.  Oh I lay my second sheet of rolled pastry onto of my first, a small dab of pumpkin filling delicately placed in the centre.  I had wet the edges to make sure that I had a firm seal.  I then pinched the dough together ever so carefully.  I was so stinking full of my own brilliance.  I even congratulated myself on how adorable it looked.  To add to the adorableness instead of sprinkling the top with white sugar, oh no I would sprinkle it with coloured orange sprinkles (not realizing that the would melt in the heat of the oven).

It looks like this pumpkin has been stricken with terrible pox.
    This culinary genius was not satisfied with mere pumpkin pies/ tarts, oh no.  I had a cup or so of strawberries in the fridge that were looking like they were still eatable, but not like the kids would eat them.  I decided to make them into a freezer jam to stuff into some of the tarts.  The kitchen smelled heavenly, I was still congratulating myself on my great ingenuity.  

    I put the tarts / mini pies into the oven at 350 degrees.  I let them cook for 20 minutes.  When the timer rang I pulled the oven door open, my eyes already wide in anticipation of my greatness.  What I saw was not greatness, oh not even close.  The fillings had all seeped through the sides.  They looked more like messy jam sandwiches than adorable pies.  Many looked like they had been in a bloody massacre.

    So at the end of the day, I made only a small batch of my "fancy" tarts/ mini pies.  Instead I made pumpkin tarts, jam tarts and butter tarts.  They don't look like something out of a magazine, but they tasted pretty good.  I learned a lesson about being realistic (who am I trying to kid, no I didn't I'll do the same thing again as soon as the memory of this giant flop slides out of my mind, and then it's off to delusions of grandeur again)!

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