My New Year's resolution this year was to have more patience. Patience is something that I am in low supply of, and yet it is the thing that I most beat myself up for it's lack of. I want my children when they look back on their childhood to smile. I am o.k. with them discussing amongst themselves that I was a loon, or over the top. I do not want them to look back and say she really did a lot for us, but we paid the price with her biting words. It is really difficult to find that strength to take a deep breath and bite that tongue when you have been asked by the third child for the fourth time to help them find something (homework, knapsack, boots, library book...).
What I have found is that I have more patience when I take a half hour for myself in the morning. I have a crazy morning getting the big kids off to school, and the biggest kid off to work. I kiss everyone good bye, and then pour my cup of coffee, and exhale for the first time that day. I put on Mickey Mouse Club House (Elly's current favourite program) and either just sit in my chair, or check my email. The days that I don't do this, I really notice my lack of patience for the day. On week-ends and after dinner, the kids know that "coffee time" means you leave Mommy and Daddy in peace in their chairs (in the summer we have "coffee on the deck") for half an hour. Coffee time is our time to connect. It is our time to talk to each other and really be heard. If we don't take "coffee time", we inevitably feel that disconnect. "Coffee Time" is really just a name for regeneration/ self-love.
I often feel guilty for taking this time, when there are so many other things that need my attention. I regularly need to remind myself, that taking time to nurture myself will make me a better mother/ wife, that if my husband and I don't take a tiny bit of time together, there may not be an "us". It is important to remind the kids that they are the most important people in our lives, but that Mommy and Daddy are important too.
All of the pregnancy/ baby books tell new mothers to make sure that they nap when their babies nap, the idea behind this is to catch up on sleep. What they should also say is how important it is to just have time to yourself, to remember who you were before you became a "mother". That if you don't take time for yourself, you won't have the same energy for everyone else.
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