The Dreaded Family Picture.... and my nervous breakdown

Real Classy

    It's that time of year... Christmas card picture time.  Every year I have this extremely unrealistic fantasy that my kids will all behave, and I will get an amazing family picture.  Every year I end up having a screaming fit, and feel like the worlds worst mother (it's not pretty, let's just say that).   At least one of the kids has red eyes because they have been crying (because of all of my yelling).  At least one of the kids is looking in the opposite direction.  My kids all loose their ability to think as soon as the camera comes out.  Oh it's never very good.  One of these times I am pretty sure that I am going to have a brain embolism.  I say this, and yet every year I think that I will this year get that perfect picture.  Isn't that what they say the definition of insanity is, doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results?

In this picture Elly was standing with Grace, but decided
that she would rather sit on her Daddy's lap, after I had already
set the timer, and raced to sit,  leading to my hysterics. 

    One of my acquaintances is a photographer and she has been doing beautiful pictures and posting them on Facebook.   It makes me hate her just a little (don't tell Jody).  She is this amazing photographer, and her pictures all look effortless (I know they are not).  I would love to be a great photographer, and so I am like a dog with a bone, waiting for that great shot.  On some of Jody's pictures she used O'Hara's Mill for one of her back drops.  Her pictures were so gorgeous that I decided that is where we would have our family pictures this year... famous last words.  I used my trusty timer and tripod.  I should have learned from last year.  Last year I nearly had a heart attack with all of the setting the camera on the timer and then running like Hell to be with the rest of the family.  I didn't learn.  Did I mention that I thought it was a smart idea to include our dog in the pictures?  I look really healthy if there is an upside (because my cheeks are so flushed from running... something that I am very unaccustomed to).  What's that hilarious thing that they say in Hollywood,  "Never work with kids or animals".  You may have notice that gorgeous picture I have led off with on the top.  The picture of the kids posing, and them in hysterics as the dog pees all over the steps.  I could not have planned that, (not that I would really have wanted to).  

    And then there is Elly.  Elly our youngest suffers from Fifth Child Syndrome, in other words she is spoiled rotten.  Elly is as stubborn as a mule, I think she gets that from her Dad (Mother do not say a word).  Elly just makes up her own rules, whether we like it or not.  For the above picture she decided that she should wave for every picture.  I kept telling her in a make you barf sickly sweet voice (because I did not want crying this early into the game) "No honey, no waving, just give me a pretty smile".  Ha Ha Ha Ha.  So she would stand there with this angelic smile, until I put the camera to my eye, and then she would start waving.

    In the picture above my little darling stomped off in a temper tantrum because I finally stopped using my make you barf sickly sweet voice, and said "STOP WAVING!!!!  JUST STAND THERE AND FRIGGING SMILE".  You will notice that the big girls all found this highly amusing, and Rowan looked like he was just released from the insane asylum... why do I think this is a good idea every year?  Oh yeah because it would be too embarrassing to have witnesses and have to pay someone to take these pictures.

    So on the above picture I thought that the back ground would be really pretty.  Now to try to get everyone to co-operate.  Elly as usual refused to look up, she found a pine cone.  Rowan by this point was tired of sitting up straight.  The dog was thinking about trying to sniff Grace's bum.  Christopher if you notice only knows how to do one pose.  Every single picture he is wearing the exact same face.  He's not unlike a paper doll.  The hair cut may change, the clothes may change, but that exact expression remains the same... remind me why we need a family picture?  I guess I should not complain, it's better than the one he used to do until I told him I would divorce him if he ever did it again( oh it was a real beauty.  He would stand with his mouth wide open and an expression of glee on his face).  In fairness to him, if you look at his family's family pictures, his dad does the same goofy grin in every single picture.  It's like an evolution.  Here Don is dressed in 70's plaid clothes wearing the same smile, then the 80's ... same smile.... 90's looking older, same smile... I don't feel like I need to go on... maybe it's genetic.  Can you have a goofy look gene?

    Out of 143 pictures,  I have around three usable ones, well I guess that's better than last year.  At least in the above picture the kids are pretending that they like each other, maybe we can fool people.